How Play Can Decrease Acting Out Behavior
As a parent to a toddler or pre-schooler, there have likely been many times when you've wondered why and how your child’s mood can change so suddenly. One minute they seem fine - calm, content, engaged in play and then suddenly - bam! - yelling, screaming, throwing, crying. What the heck happened?
These 'tantrums' or acting out behavior can seem out of the blue
and difficult to manage. They can be downright frustrating at times;
frustrating for you and the child. In previous posts, we've talked about how to
react as well as how to try and consider the meaning behind the behavior in
order to help your child work through those big feelings. Here, we want to
focus on how play can serve as a preventative measure and help children develop
the regulatory skills needed to better manage their emotions.
Perhaps it is first important to understand what ‘play’ really
means. Play is the work of children. Play is any activity that is self-motivated
and self-directed by a child. The goal of this play is just that, to play. No
ulterior motives of winning or earning trophies. It is free-flowing in nature
with self-imposed rules by the child rather than an instruction book detailing
the rules of the game. Research has shown that this self-directed play is very
important and significant for the child’s growing cognitive, emotional, social
and physical development.
In fact, self-directed play is most helpful in regulating and
managing the emotions of a child. Through play, children can act out their
feelings - fears, worries, anxieties, frustrations, disappointments and sadness
- in a safe and controlled manner. Their repetitious act of playing the same
thing again and again or hearing the same story can be a way to process the
feelings that they are going through and master them. The idea of
self-direction is handy because through their play, children can often control
the situations or circumstances that seem out of control in their life and,
hence, play out their emotions safely. This helps them to feel in control and
they have the capacity to change the outcome through this fantasy play.
So how does this help acting out behavior?
1.
Children, especially toddlers and preschoolers,
are struggling between autonomy and control and they are learning lots of new
skills. Thus, a lot of acting out behavior can stem from the feelings of
wanting to be in control and struggling with new things. Play gives children
that opportunity to practice skills and be in control.
2.
Through play, as a parent you can address their
certain behavior if they are playing it out. Many parents get worried when they
see their children getting aggressive in their play, for example, hitting a
doll or throwing things. However, this can be used as an opportunity to discuss
with the child the feelings behind the aggression and the consequences of their
actions, which can be helpful for the child to process.
3.
Sometimes a child plays out the same theme over
and over again (for example, a stuffed animal serving as a mediator between two
other toys and trying to solve problems). That tells you something is on their
mind. Perhaps the child feels torn between some decisions and is trying to
figure out the right course of action or maybe there is tension between the
parents and the child is trying to make it stop. Describing what you see to the
child in their play and helping attach feelings to words helps them feel
understood and opens the door to further communication.
4.
By being present with your child when they are
playing, watching, commenting, encouraging, and asking questions without
directing, they feel connected. This closeness builds attachment and trust and
can help reduce power struggles that can happen on a dally basis.
Every child and family is different and there are hundreds of
combinations of variables that could bring out challenging behaviors. If your
child's behaviors seem out of the ordinary or things they do in play concern
you, seeking professional support from an expert child psychotherapist is a
great option. Please contact us any time if you would like some support in this
area for your child and/or yourself.
Post by: Kratika Choudary, MA
